When you deeply love someone and that love comes to a dramatic close, it can catapult you out of a state of contentment and security into a whole new world of confusion, numbness, shock and fright.
Each day feels like a blur....
If you’ve suffered from self-esteem issues before a breakup, it can make you feel even more vulnerable to those feelings of unworthiness of love.
Believe me I know......
When the relationship ended between my sons father and I, my mind wouldn't function properly for months, my thoughts were hazy, my brain was in a heavy fog and I was walking around like a zombie in total shock.
It felt like I'd lost a part of myself, a vital organ that helped me breathe and suddenly it was gone, I felt empty.
I would revisit old places that we shared together, just trying to claim some of my happy self back and to try and make sense of my confusion.
I spent days, weeks and months crying myself to sleep asking myself why....I was in denial that it was really over.
I was experiencing a whirl wind of emotions, a mini bereavement, exhaustion and exhilaration of being a new mum all mixed in with a heavy and worried heart searching for some form of hope for our future.
Happily I rebuilt my life, self esteem and confidence it seems a distant memory now as it all happened 25 years ago but it played a massive part in who I discovered I was. Many lessons were learnt and for that I am grateful.
How do you move on when your world is literally turned upside down and inside out?
When it comes to love, our rational mind isn't running the show, our emotions are.....My journey back to who I was, who I am, had taken time and effort and being a single mum at the time, a hell of a lot of worry and angst too.
The aftermath of a break up is a process, its not a nightmare that you'll suddenly wake from and feel as bright as a button, unless of course you were in a toxic relationship and you needed to escape from it anyway, that is a totally different scenario.
While you are experiencing the process of a break up its important to follow through on these 3 steps:
1. Talk To Someone You Trust
Its so important to talk through your feelings with someone you trust and who will listen. Do not hold onto or suppress your feelings as they may manifest negatively in different ways. Talking is good.
Read books about the subject which will help you know that you are not alone in how you feel and this is a process that you are experiencing.
2. Cultivate Self-Kindness
You will more than likely feel angry, sad or resentful at the moment, although its not nice to feel like this –it's perfectly natural.
Its important to acknowledge your feelings instead of hanging onto them so you need to acknowledge all of those mixed feelings you have right now and not bury them or deny them.
When you allow yourself to 'feel', it opens the door to healing. Feel what you need to feel, there’s no right or wrong way to experience your own emotions, just feel them.
To make sense of all of these emotions its good to keep a journal, write in it every single day, express your feelings, get them out of you and onto paper.
3. Forgive Yourself
Whatever the reason for the break up of your relationship its important to forgive yourself. We are all human beings who are on a journey of experiences, lessons and growth, it may not feel like it now but when you are on the road to recovery you will find that this experience would have taught you a valuable lesson about yourself.
The lesson could be the rise of an inner resilience and strength that you didn't know you had or you may find that you actually prefer to be on your own and can't understand why you put up with the crap in the first place.
Love yourself enough to know that you deserve the best and the fact that this stage of your life is coming to a close, be reassured that the hurt will pass, you will recover and you will be free to carve out a better future for yourself.
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